What Has Eyes but Cannot See?
A brief stint as a Bali whisky model, and my very first visa run to Singapore!
When I left the dance retreat, it was a bumpy two hour drive back south to Ubud. Our driver, Joseph, found out I was from New York, and he got very excited. He loved the Knicks and wanted to visit New York one day. When he dropped me off, he kindly gave me his number and told me to reach out if I needed anything.
I got breakfast with Fiona, a friend from Singapore who I had met at the retreat. There was a breathwork class later that day she recommended, and I signed up. My flight back to New York was in a week, and I didn’t feel ready to go back. I just knew there was more to learn. I wanted to keep expanding, somehow. But for now, I planned to leave. (This eventually just became a running joke with most people I met, since by the end of my trip I had changed my flight 4 times, and missed about 4 flights. No one believed I was actually leaving Bali.) We walked around Ubud and ended up at an instrument shop. I found myself buying a medicine drum. I had officially been in Bali for too long.
I went to the breathwork class later that day, in a giant pyramid. I laid down as a man named Krishna facilitated the class.
We went through various breathing techniques, and then he led us through the next two and a half hours. I had never done anything like this, and didn’t know what to expect. Then halfway through, something changed. I was no longer in my head, or in my body. But experiencing a different state altogether. I felt energy moving through me and it was so powerful it shocked me. I had never known my body was capable of feeling this way. Then, at one point, I feel a sharp pain in my foot. It was a piercing, pinching pain and I started crying out. Eventually, the pain subsided, and I remember feeling this euphoric joy. I felt in love with the world, with myself, and knew everything would be okay. Suddenly, I heard the facilitator telling us to come back down into our bodies. And that’s exactly how it felt. Like I was returning. It’s how I knew I had been somewhere else.
When I opened my eyes, I was in a daze. I turned to the girl next to me, and she was in tears. Wordlessly, I reached out and we held hands. I thought, when else has this ever happened? That I felt so moved that I knew it was okay to reach out to a complete stranger in this way.
I sat afterwards with the girl for almost an hour, still in shock at how deeply I had been affected. My foot was still throbbing, but I was also filled with joy. When I was finally able to gather myself and leave, I made it to dinner.
When I got there, Fiona was sitting with our friend Tamara, and a man I had never met before. Fiona explained he had been pivotal in teaching her about gong healing. I explained why I was late to dinner, and described what I had experienced. The man looked at me. “Do you realize what just happened?” I shook my head. “You had a kundalini awakening. That pain you feel in your foot, it’s blocked energy that’s trying to leave your body and is stuck.” Despite my foot pain, I was euphoric. I wanted to experience it again. “Be careful,” he warned. “Or you’ll never want to come back.”
Fiona turned to me. “You know, I had signed up for a weekend of Kundalini, but I can’t go anymore. You could take my place.” I beamed. As soon as she said it, it felt right. I wanted to see where this path led me and see it through. I told her I would do it. Tamara started laughing. “You are like a spirituality golden retriever. You are so excited by everything.”
The next morning I woke up, determined. I could push my flight, but there was also the problem of my visa expiring. In Bali, you can get a visa for 30 days, and extend once for another 30 days, but afterwards you need to leave the country. The thing is, the kundalini weekend happened in a few days so I’d have to leave the country for 24 hours and then return.
On top of that, when I asked to extend my room at the place I was staying, they told me that it was all booked up and I’d have to leave. I wasn’t sure where to go. As a last ditch effort, I texted the driver who drove me back from the retreat, and asked him if he knew of any rooms open nearby since he was from Ubud. Without giving any details, he told me he would pick me up in an hour. I was too exhausted to ask more questions, and was just hoping it would work out.
He picked me up and started driving us north of Ubud. We went further and further away, until we were 30 minutes out and in the middle of endless rice fields. Finally, we arrived. There was a beautiful villa with a pool, and it was in the middle of nowhere. “This is my house,” he explained. “I live above it. We usually rent it out but there are no guests so you can stay here.”
I walked inside. I was touched he would let me stay here and it was lovely, but also I wondered - what was the catch? He kept telling me he just wanted to help me because he loved New York. It was pretty isolated, but at this point, it was getting dark and so I decided to stay for the night and see.
In the morning, we had breakfast and it felt a little more normal. Just then, I got a text from two friends I had met in Thailand, Adi and Maddy. They were in Ubud and wanted to meet up. The room I was staying in actually had two extra empty beds, so I excitedly asked Joseph if they could join me. He frowned, looking very upset. “You cannot bring any guests here, ever. That is the one rule.”
I told him I wouldn’t bring anyone over, except that rule kind of worried me, seeing as it was just us alone in the rice fields. Why couldn’t I see anyone? He also insisted that I tell him everywhere I was going, and when I would be coming back. Still, I had one bigger issue - I had to leave on my visa run. The two closest countries were Malaysia or Singapore and the flight to Singapore was cheaper, so I went with that. But there was still the issue of where I would stay. Then, miraculously, Fiona told me I could stay with her boyfriend while she was away and he would show me around. I was relieved I’d have a place to stay, and booked my ticket to leave in a few days.
The next morning, I woke up early and went for a swim in the pool. Around 7:30am, Joseph saw me swimming and hurried over. “Oh good, you’re up! Can you help me with something very important?” I nodded and a moment later, he ran down with a bottle of whiskey and handed it to me. “I make this homemade whiskey. Can you take some pictures with it by the pool?” So there I stood in my bathing suit, holding up bottles of homemade whiskey in the pool. Once the photoshoot was done, this was about the point where I thought, maybe it is time for me to go.
Later that day, I went to get lunch, when I sat next to a girl with her laptop open, with various maps laid out in front of her. I figured she was planning a trip somewhere, but she explained she was actually a world builder and fantasy cartographer. Her name was Sarafina and she created fictional worlds with their own maps and languages, and it’s still one of the coolest jobs I’ve ever heard of. It was moments like these that made me remember there are so many incredible things you can do with your life that you may have not even thought of yet. She was also working on her own graphic novel, and looking to go to ecstatic dance that night. Instantly, we hit it off.
I told her how I would be leaving for Singapore for a few days, but probably needed a new place to stay until then. Without hesitating, she offered that I stay with her. She lived in Canggu and happened to have an extra bed. I was touched. We had only known each other about an hour. In fact, this entire week, people I had only known for an hour or a few days had willingly offered to host me. I felt so grateful for everyone’s kindness. In a way it felt like the universe opening these doors for me, assuring me I had made the right decision to stay.
When I got back home, I told Joseph I would be leaving to stay with a friend I had just met and then would go to Singapore. I asked if I could leave my bags (and drum) with him so I could travel light and he agreed. That night, I went dancing with Sarafina. My friend Maddy, who I had met in Thailand, joined us. I hadn’t seen Maddy for almost four months, and it felt like a lifetime. She had been rock climbing in Laos for the past few months. Now, here we were. It felt like we were completely different people from when we had last seen each other.
Also joining us was my friend Jess, who I had met in Bali in January. At one point, as we all danced, I looked around and was amazed at this community of friends I had met from all different moments of my travels, brought together through dancing and right timing.
Two days later, I said goodbye to Joseph and all of my belongings, and moved in with Sarafjna in Canggu. She even got me a spare key. For the next three days, we’d wake up early, walk barefoot to the beach as a trail of dogs followed us, and then get breakfast.
Sometimes, we’d do our own thing during the day and meet up later, but I loved our morning routine. We were both early risers who loved breakfast and walking barefoot. What a dream!
Eventually, it was time for my flight to Singapore. I was sad to leave, but it was only for… a day. Before I left, I made a stop on the way to the airport to see Wendy. I could write a whole newsletter about him, but let me start by saying he is an angel and the closest thing that felt like family in Bali. Wendy ran an optical shop in Seminyak, and I went there the first week I got to Bali in January with my friend Oriane when a pair of my prescription sunglasses broke.
Not only did he fix them up, but he got us both new pairs that were incredible. He’s also just the kindest man, and very gentle and honest. It is not an exaggeration to say I cry at almost every eye appointment I go to. In my own experience, most optometrists / any eye professionals I’ve met are usually harsh and insensitive or don’t know how to deal with my eye condition. Or maybe I personally will get triggered by something they’ve said, like that my vision is so bad they no longer make contacts with that high of a prescription, and I break down. But Wendy made it all a pleasant and, dare I say, fun experience. So, I went back again to see him to get another pair. Throughout my trip, I recommended Wendy to everyone I met in Bali, even people who didn’t need glasses.
Two hours later, I was on a plane to Singapore with a small backpack and big dreams. A part of me was a little nervous. This was my first visa run- what if the information I got was inaccurate and I wouldn’t be allowed back? What would happen to my drum? What would it be like to stay with friend’s boyfriend, Noel, who I had never met? But I pushed it all out of my mind and tried to get excited for the adventure ahead.
When I landed, I took a Grab to his apartment. I stared in shock at all the skyscrapers - I had been in Bali for the past two months and it felt strange to be in a city like this again. I got to his apartment complex, and we went upstairs. Inside, it was a giant room with absolutely no furniture, connected to a balcony filled with plants. There were only giant gongs in the front of the room, and that was it. He explained that both him and his girlfriend, Fiona, offered gong therapy and yoga classes, and they had sessions in their apartment often, so they used their space as a studio. He showed me to my room, which was used as their therapy room with comfy pillows, a beautiful altar, and incredible mood lighting. It was perfect.
I set my bags down, and we went off to explore Singapore. We ate chicken and rice and pandan waffles, and went to see a free exhibit where a light show is synchronized with classical music. Afterwards, we walked along the water and saw an Apple Store floating in an orb on the water.
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He explained more about Singapore - it was still a very young country and only became an independent nation in 1965. I marveled at how clean everything was. He told he how gum isn’t even allowed or sold in Singapore because they didn’t want to clean it up off the street. There was a moment when a man came up to us selling tissues, and Noel explained how you cannot beg for money in Singapore, but you can sell something small like tissues in exchange for money, and people will overpay for the tissues, so that he is able to make money that way.
At night, we returned home and Noel brought out a tiny house made from cardboard boxes. Then he let out his adorable bunny, as she roamed through the cardboard obstacle course and around the open space. Now I got why they had no furniture. Jr was so she could roam free.
The next morning, I FaceTimed my mom to wish her a happy birthday. Noel played his gongs for her. Afterwards, she asked me if I wanted to move to Bali. I suppose this is a natural question for someone who has been there for almost three months and is doing a 24-hour visa run just to stay there. It was clear I could not bring myself to leave, but did I want to stay there long term? I told her I didn’t know. Just that being there felt like accessing a complete alternate timeline of my life I never knew existed. It didn’t feel real. “Who’s to say which reality is real or not?” She said. “That all depends on you.”
I was constantly struck by how understanding she was throughout my whole trip, but this conversation really threw me. Not only did she get what I was going through, but she pushed me to challenge myself and my own notions of how I see my life, rather than forcing myself to fit into the box I’ve always known. It kept me going, knowing how much I had her support.
Noel and I went out for breakfast, and found some incredible bubble tea. I was ready to keep the food tour going until I had to leave, when my mom texted me, reminding me I should get my eyes checked while I was in Singapore. It wasn’t so easy to do in Bali, and up until now I had been going to see a doctor in Thailand every two months. I really didn’t want to go and spend my last few hours in Singapore in a doctor’s office, but I knew she was right. Noel graciously told me he would come with me to find a doctor.
After asking around, we found an office that could check my eye pressure. We discovered an entire exam and imaging included a free pair of glasses. All of this was about $70 total. In the US, a pair of glasses alone is usually around $200 with lenses and frames minimum, and an imaging appointment like this would be in the thousands without insurance. This would be my third eye appointment abroad, and so far I was blown away the quality of the care and the vastly reduced price compared to the US.
The optometrist took me aside and smiled. “What has eyes but cannot see?” He asked me. I told him I didn’t know. “A potato,” Noel interjected. Another cool thing about eye appointments in Singapore. They come with riddles!
The optometrist checked my eye pressure and the numbers were in a great range. In case you’re just tuning in now, my eye pressure needs to be checked every two months because if it goes too high that means the valves they put in may not be working correctly and could lead to optic nerve damage or blindness. So, this was very good news. However, when he took images of my retinas, he noticed enlarged cupping.
He was very concerned. Did I have a doctor I was seeing regularly? I told him I didn’t, but would send the photos to my doctor back home. As for the pair of glasses I got, I had no address for them, so I had them sent to my good friend Wendy. I was worried he wouldn’t be okay with me getting other glasses sent to his shop, but he just told me it was no problem. Also that I had way too many pairs of glasses at this point and should probably cut myself off.
After the appointment, we only had a few hours left before my flight. We went to several food stalls and ate everything he recommend (it was all incredible) and then visited a Buddhist temple and meditated together.
Before I knew it, it was time to go. I thanked him for being an incredible host, showing me so much of Singapore and also taking me to an eye appointment. I was deeply touched.
I flew back to Bali feeling reenergized. I landed, renewed my visa, and returned to the temporary home I shared with Sarafjna. I told her everything that had happened, But also came bearing gifts- I had brought an electric toothbrush charger. We both had dead electric toothbrushes and zero luck finding a charger in Bali. This was a huge find and she was thrilled!
After a successful business trip to Singapore, I felt invigorated and inspired by this new culture, if only for a day. But I was also happy to be home.
Thank you so, so much for reading, as always. If you enjoy the newsletter, please share with anyone you think would be interested :)
Love,
Julia