Hello all!
Happy Sunday. Today officially marks a new segment I am starting for paid subscribers, called Tiny Joys.
Finding joy in any form, big or small, is, I believe, one of the most essential parts of being alive. In the same way that we remind ourselves to be present and grateful, I think we have to fight just as hard sometimes to find joy, especially the particular joy that works for us. However, sometimes it’s a lot harder to find joy when you’re sick, or dealing with health issues. I remember once, while I was talking to a therapist in the midst of all my surgeries last summer, she asked me - “What brings you joy?”
Without hesitating, I said, “My dog, Oreo.” And then, I drew a blank. In fact, it was so hard to think of anything else that I started crying, aware of how sad it felt. But at that point in my life, many things I once loved, I was not able to do. I didn’t feel I was capable of feeling joy anymore, because there was no room to explore what made me happy. My days were so filled with doctors appointments and surgeries that there was no space for anything else.
Almost a year later, I was in Bali. I had been traveling for five months months at that point, and I remember taking a boat out at sunrise to see dolphins with my friend Maddy. It felt so surreal.
I recalled the moment with my therapist when I couldn’t think of anything that made me happy, and was proud of how far I had come, that so many things brought me joy now. Still, Oreo, of course. But now I had more space in my life to fill it with other things.
When I got back home later that day, I wrote down a list of everything that brought me joy and was amazed at how it all began to spill out of me. Funny enough, when I got back to New York months later, a friend had started a project called the Pleasure Lists, where they asked people to share the pleasures in their life. Since I already had my list handy, I sent it over.
Now, since I’ve been back in New York, it’s been a hard transition. Partly because I can’t swim with dolphins at sunrise, but also because it’s been tough to try and process this new M.S. diagnosis, and accept the fact that I have another autoimmune disease to deal with and carry with me throughout my life.
I feel trapped and scared again, and was just getting used to not feeling that way for a while. Which is why I wanted to go back to my tiny joys, which feel especially Big when times are hard. I hope these can be helpful, or serve as a reminder to find your own tiny joys wherever you can!
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