In Search of the “Right” Place to Live
Does the perfect place to live exist?
I didn’t tell many people, but when I left New York in August last month, I left with the intention of moving to Europe. As someone who never even Irish Exits a party without saying goodbye, this was out of character for me to leave the country without saying much about it.
But I didn’t want to put too much pressure on it, in case it didn’t work out. I tried to pack my bags so that my plan could work for either two weeks or two months. Turns out, this is a very hard way to pack.
I knew it was flawed, but I couldn’t shake this feeling that there was somewhere else I was meant to be. I knew that once I found it, I would feel it and it would be right.
It’s why I find astrocartography interesting. If you’ve never heard of it, it’s an offshoot of astrology where your birth chart is mapped against a world map to discover which places on Earth resonate most with you.
It shows up as a map of the world with lines for each planet drawn on top as a visual guide. The places that fall on certain lines are meant to be more meaningful, powerful, and transformative for your life.
I wasn’t sure astrocartography was the way to go about it, but I resonated with the idea behind it.
So, what was my place? Where would it feel most powerful for me to feel settled?
I didn’t know where I wanted to be — I just knew I wanted a change from New York. I was born there, I grew up there, and moved back from LA to be back there during Covid. The endlessly curious part of me craved a change.
I also am lucky enough to have French citizenship, since my dad is from Paris. Because of this, I’ve always wanted to try living in Europe, to take advantage of this opportunity.
Throughout 2021 and 2022, I underwent a long series of eye surgeries that kept me in New York until I was fully recovered. It was during this time, maybe to help me mentally get through it all via some sort of escapism, I dreamt of finally moving to Paris, to a place I’ve always wanted to try living, but especially, away from all my health worries.
After each appointment, I’d ask my doctors if I could one day fly and leave the country, but then another complication would occur, until I stopped asking about it altogether and let it go.
When I finally was in remission and well enough to travel outside of New York, I ironically went much further than Paris— and followed my friend Oriane to Indonesia.
After being there last January, and continuing to be largely nomadic since, I’ve fallen in love with traveling, and more so, interested in this idea of falling in love with a place.
When I got to Bali, it blew my mind. I felt so at home instantly, so enamored by everything. Could moving to a certain place change your life this intensely?
I think, in certain aspects, sometimes the very aspect of throwing yourself into a new situation and meeting new people can help you, no matter where you are. Of course, another big part of moving to a new place and making it work is your own mindset. But I thought that if I was intentional about the elements I wanted in a certain place, I could find it. This place I could be happiest.
When I was in Bali, I made a list of everything I wanted out of a place. I wanted to it to feel like an intimate community, a place with a city but surrounded by nature nearby. A place that had plenty of opportunities for art and music and dancing, with warm people. I told all this to a girl I met in Bali once, and without hesitating, she said, “You’re describing Byron Bay. You should go there.”
Two weeks later, I went. I didn’t know anyone there, I just followed this feeling I needed to see it for myself. One of my first days there, I got my now famous baby drum.
I wanted to get to an ecstatic dance that evening (surprising, I know), but it turned out the dance was a 30 minute drive out of town. I had no car and Uber was difficult there. I was desperate to go, and so I asked a nice guy I had met earlier that day with a car to go with me to the dance. He agreed, and we went.
When we arrived at the dance, we could see people dancing through the windows. If you’ve never been to an ecstatic dance before, it looks a little crazy. And I say this as someone who loves it — it’s just better if you’re in it, rather than watching. Everyone is moving wildly and expressing themselves however they want. This guy took one look at the people dancing and said, “Nope, sorry, I can’t do this.”
He apologized and ran to this car and left me there, telling me to figure out some other way home. I went to the dance myself and loved it, and afterwards a group of people that I had danced with approached me. I asked them if they possibly had a seat in their car back to Byron Bay for me? They told me that they did, but on one condition. They had to make a stop first.
They drove me to this house an hour later, where a group of people were shooting a music video. Did I want to be a part of it? And also maybe try some fire dancing?
I met a bunch of people living in Byron Bay that night, and had the best time. After we were done shooting the video, a guy started talking to me and asked me what I was doing there, all the way from New York.
”Well, I know it sounds kind of crazy, but I had this vision of where I wanted to be, and this girl told me it sounded just like Byron, so now I’m here.”
He nodded.
“What’s this girl’s name?”
“Jasmine,” I told him.
He stared at me wide-eyed. “That’s my sister.”
I couldn’t believe it. The friends who brought me to the music video overheard our conversation, and approached me.
”That’s too much of a coincidence! It’s clear you’re meant to be here.”
There it was again. This confirmation that a place could feel like a destiny. That others could feel it, too.
I barely slept all night, excited about spending more time in Byron Bay. I wanted to extend my time there and stay longer, to try it out.
The next day I went with my friend Chanese to an outdoor field for a dance. I was filled with so much excitement, with the possibility of being there.
Ten minutes after we arrived, I fainted and had a mild seizure. This has never happened to me in my entire life.
My first thought upon gaining consciousness was— I wonder if this was because of my MS. I was diagnosed a few years ago, but never had any physical symptoms and was told just to watch it.
A week later, I decided to go back to New York and get checked out.
It turned out the lesions in my brain and spine had spread, and I did, in fact, need to start treatment for my MS. No doctor is still sure if the MS is connected with my seizure, but if it hadn’t happened, I don’t know if I would have gone home and started treatment when I needed to.
Now, exactly a year later, I left New York once again. First, I was going to the UK. I got the chance to work at Medecine Festival, and thought it would be a nice, smooth transition into moving to Europe afterwards. I already had a vague plan to go to Paris afterwards — I had friends and family there, a place to stay. But for some reason, I wasn’t totally convinced it was the right move. Even worse, what if people thought I was just pulling an Emily in Paris?
When I got to the festival, there were people there from all over Europe. So, I took a poll. Where does everyone like to live that has good weather, nice people, fun things to do, good community, etc.?
And everyone unanimously said one place — Lisbon, Portugal.
Lisbon had never been at the top of my list before, but I was open to trying it. So, a week later, I flew to Lisbon.
And while I loved my time there, I wasn’t totally sold on living there. Of course, you need more than a week to know a city, but I also think sometimes you can feel it on an instinctual level if a place is for you or not.
On paper, it had everything I wanted. But when it came down to it, I didn’t want to stay longer. It was a bit like a decent first date - you like them enough, and had a good time. But I wanted to feel really in love with the next place I was going, and I just didn’t feel the spark.
Now that Lisbon wasn’t quite for me, I didn’t know where to go next. In a way, I was mad at myself for only listening to other people. It was just like Byron Bay a year ago. Of course, it was good to listen to other people’s advice, but on a certain level, I think you have to just trust yourself, too.
Because nothing is inherently a good or bad decision - it’s all what you make of it.
On one of my last days in Lisbon, when I was trying to decide where to go, I hit it off with this French guy.
After spending a few days together, he knew my plans were up in the air and suggested I go to Paris so we could keep seeing each other.
Since Paris was on my mind already, and it helped that I had family, friends, and a place to stay, I agreed. We said we would meet up again in Paris.
But then, nothing materialized. He had family obligations, and was more distant once back in Paris. Maybe that’s also the problem with meeting while you’re both in new cities on vacation. You can live in the fantasy, and when it’s over, it doesn’t feel as appealing.
Regardless, I’m grateful it led me back to Paris because I’ve loved being here. I’m been in Paris a little over a week now, and feel very grateful. My friend Taylor from New York was visiting for a few days. I am able to see my friend Chanese, who is from Paris and was traveling with me back in Byron Bay. I’m able to see my grandmother. Here is both of them at the market the other day:
I’ve been trying my best to feel more settled - going to the market and buying groceries for the apartment. Going to a local yoga class (even though the instructor did low-key bully me for speaking in more “formal French.”) More than anything, I’m glad I’m here because I wanted to come here from the beginning. I just listened to too many people along the way.
I still don’t think any place is perfect. Sure, a place that better suits your interests and values can change your life for the better. But it also comes down to the people you’re with, and being okay with yourself, no matter where you go.
Maybe it’s a combination of all of it. But I still desire that feeling you get from a place where suddenly it feels easier to breathe. Where you can feel still inside.
I’m not sure if that’s Paris yet, but it’s off to a great start, so I’m giving it a chance.
Bisous,
Julia
In the Comments…
Where is your favorite place?
Have you traveled somewhere and fell in love with it right away?
Do you think an ideal place for you exists?
Love this Jules and my feet are itchy to find it! I haven’t found my place in Australia, one foot in/out of Bali and haven’t seen enough else of the world!
Loved the read and hope you keep kicking health goals and exploring!! I will too!!